period

So, Saturday early morning, when I got up in the middle of the night to pee, I noticed some "brown" stuff on the toilet paper.  Tried not to think too much of it.  When I woke up, it was still there, and my mind immediately went to spotting and miscarriage.  Turned on the tv to try to stop thinking about it.

Finn woke up and we were playing cars and I needed to pee.  This time when I wiped, there was dark red blood.  Well, yeah, I think we know what that meant.  I crumpled, there, on the toilet, sobbing and sobbing.  Finn came in (oh, why bother shutting the door with a toddler around?) asking what was happening, and then he went and got daddy "Momma's crying!"  Erik stumbled in, just woken up, to ask what was up, as Finn also said "What's happening?"  And then, yes, the realization.  More sobbing.

Finn came to me, put his arms around me, hand on my face, and said, "It's okay Momma.  It's okay."  I love him so much.

And, well, it will be okay, in time.  Right now I am just so very angry.  Sad and angry.  Ten weeks.  Ten hopeful weeks.  Dashed.