In the whole light of being more zen about the lack of a baby forming in my womb, I am trying not to be overly jealous or full of impotent rage when it comes to hearing other women bouncingly announce that they're pregnant.
So, my friend is pregnant, and she's 8 weeks along. I am SOOO happy for her. But then another one of her friends whom I have become friends with is now pregnant, maybe 6 weeks along, and while I know that her and her husband have been trying for a long time, beyond being happy for her, I feel this seething jealous anger... My fucking body - it feels like it thrills in failing me. Which, I know it's NOT like that, but still, emotions are silly. Erik and I tried for a while, and then I had a miscarriage, and now we're trying again... And I know it doesn't help that when it's my "fertile time", we end up only having sex once because we're either tired, or my tear duct plugs up and I'm in agony, or Boo vomits all over me and we're both worried for him rather than the business of getting it on. I know that life gets in the way.
I know. But still, there's a sadness, and a feeling of "when is it my turn?" And y'know, maybe that's the problem. Greedy, greedy.
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