I have entered the phase where I am feeling big and unwieldy and unsexy... And it doesn't help when I wake up at 5am to my husband masturbating in the bed next to me. :( I know the previa has made things a bit more... complicated, and I really do want to ask my doctor on Wednesday if certain OTHER things (ie. not penetration) are still acceptable, but yeah. Normally I would have rolled over and at least started making out with him while he finished off, while working on myself, too, but yeah, again, this previa thing has really confounded me.
The thing is, I'm glad he's able to still get his rocks off. (On top of being a male, he's also taking Zoloft, and he's been on enough anti-depressant/anti-anxiety meds that just KILL his libido, so yeah.) I just, yeah, am really kind of sad that we're not able to either get off together or have actual sexual interactions. And then there's the whole Big and Pregnant thing where I just, ugh, don't feel pretty or desirable. And our schedules have us so that we almost never actually TOUCH or anything anymore, either. He comes to bed after I do, and by that time I have Passed. The. Fuck. Out. We don't even kiss goodnight anymore. Only time we really touch is when I'm leaving for work.
And I'm feeling really pathetically girly for feeling this way. I usually pride myself on not being like your typical female, but these hormones, oh man. Ugh. I miss the connection, I need the reassurance.
How is it possible to feel lonely when I am actually surrounded by love? Why?
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