On Sunday, at my son's BIRTHDAY party, I announced to my brothers that I was going off birth control. Erik and I are HAPPY about this. We've talked extensively about this, so it's not like we're stumbling blindly. We are parents already, we know what it entails, the trials and tribulations and sacrifices.
Yet my one brother, T, managed to somehow insult us on so many levels, with the underlying basis being concern, that it's hard to believe. When the hell did T become so absolutely tactless?
See, here are some things:
*Boo is on the WIC program. It supplements his daily diet. It certainly doesn't complete it by any stretch of the imagination.
*Our house is under ongoing construction, and it will for a very long time. We make progress as we can afford to, as we have time to do so. We refuse to go into debt over things we can manage ourselves, even if it makes life more inconvenient for a while.
From those TWO things, apparently we will not be capable of providing for another child. Except that WIC is benefiting Boo (and, before, it was benefiting me, as I was nursing Boo! I think that meant we were saving money by not having to buy formula...). And a perfect home does NOT mean a happy home. Our house is one of Chaos, but it's a happy house where we live and love and laugh and don't stress out too much about spilled food or drink. Our house has character.
Another insult was the implication that Erik and I are not on the same page. T was incredulous that Erik was a willing partner in this upcoming baby-making business. So, hey, thanks for implying that my MARRIAGE and PARTNERSHIP is as messy as my house. (At one point it was, but after thirteen years together, we have been tempered by fire and emerged victorious.)
Oh, and hey T, thanks for making assumptions about our financials and our actual situation before making a judgment call. And our situation, last time I checked, is vastly different than three years ago. Thanks for treating me like an idiot child because I obviously just don't know any better. Except, well, I do.
My pregnancy with Boo was not an easy one. I had edema. I developed carpal tunnel. Sure, I didn't throw up or have incapacitation heartburn, but it was not fun all the same. And I got a similar lecture from T back then about the house needing to be in order and whatnot. Except that back then it was apparently okay for me to be having a child...
Yeah, I don't get it, either.
I can understand that he's concerned. He's my brother, after all. I'm concerned about him, too. But, well, I would not tell him my concerns, and in such an asshole-ish (yes, asshole-ish) manner, at his son's birthday party. No matter how shocked any news made me. Some day he's going to have to realize that I am grown up. And some day he's going to have to figure out what he needs to do to make himself happy because he obviously isn't now. A nice house, nice cars, big tvs, blue-ray, a wonderful wife, two dogs, and a son... It's just not enough. Yet I have a Chaotic house, cars that run, a decent sized tv, plain dvds, a wonderful husband, four cats, and a son, and it's enough. I seriously do love my life, and it's taken me a good 30 years+ to get here.
Hail Eris.
3 comments:
Blerg, I hate when the family/politics lines get crossed, especially when there's a ground-level misunderstanding. (Anyone who thinks WIC is like food stamps/etc doesn't know what they're talking about, though there's nothing wrong with a family being on either/both.)
K receives WIC benefits, too. And she gets medicaid because, even though I work full-time in the field in which I have my degrees, there's no emloyer-provided health insurance.
Would I rather not rely on social service programs? Of course. Do I think that reliance (or non-reliance) on said social service programs should dictate the size of my family? Heck. No.
I hope the next member of your family joins you when you want him/her to. You're a great momma, and Finn needs someone to torment ;-)
Um, *employer. I can't type after 1am.
That's just it. WIC doesn't allow you to go on a shopping spree. I have a high suspicion that T has no idea what he's talking about and/or that he's been watching too much Fox News. Honestly, our own mother was on assistance. Does that mean she shouldn't have had three kids because eventually the man who fathered them would leave her to tough it out on her own? Not a chance. Our mother was amazing and strived to do her best. She always tried her best and mostly stayed off assistance while I was growing up, but needs are needs. Children NEED health insurance.
And WIC, well, it helps provide Boo with nutritious food (that he'll sometimes eat). I want to bring our vouchers for him to look at, so he can see just what we get on a monthly basis.
It's nice to know that some people put price tags on love. >:(
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