It's interesting trying to feel sexy/appealing again after years of... not. Of being a mom, of being the bread-winner, of being function. Sexy, me? How peculiar. Maybe it's just a realization that I've lost the ability to enjoy myself and my form, and I'm not sure where or when that happened. Maybe I'm pining for my 24 year old body and realizing that the passing of a decade and having a child (through surgical means, no less) has without a doubt changed my body, and it's up to me to reconcile that. Maybe I've just been doing too much reminiscing lately.
Admittedly, I do miss the bygone days of semi-lustful and admiring glances from random people, but life was a lot different back then, too. I went out, I danced, I partied, I flirted, and I thrived on the attention. And I was younger and dumber.
I think, more than anything, it's time for me to realize that physical things are to be enjoyed and experienced rather than mindlessly plowing on. Because that's what I've been doing.
Self-awareness isn't exclusive to only the mental and spiritual aspects. Sensuality, in its actual definition, doesn't always imply sex. Just... enjoyment, sensation.
This could, of course, also be my midlife crisis. Scary thought.
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