So, Wednesday night I bled pretty much a lot, then it tapered off. Thursday we went to see Cars 2 (which Boo did pretty well at considering he's 2 1/2), and pretty much right after, the pain started. In between the movie theater and home, I bled through a tampon and a pad. And stuff just sludged out of me. And kept coming. I tried to check the internet - bled through. I tried to eat some - bled through. Sat on the toilet, got the sweats and shakes and nearly threw up and passed out. Moved to the tub so I could lay down. Read that if you were soaking through in less than an hour, plus the pain, you should hie to the ER. So, after half an hour, emotional and heart-wrenching (I really do hate being the center of fussing), I cleaned myself off enough to bundle up a chuck and put on some pants and zoom off to the ER.
They got me in pretty quick, but, guess what, I'd bled through by then again! (And if you've ever seen a medical chuck, you should know how bad that is.) Set me up in a room, the ER doc checked to make sure the pain wasn't caused by a cervical blockage (it wasn't), and I got my first round of excellent drugs. They did blood tests to check my hemoglobin and I bled. Of course, not as much as before, but enough to be uncomfortable. Taken to ultrasound where the tech found stuff still inside my uterus, including the blighted ovum. And we waited. I let my coworker know that I was at the ER and probably wasn't going to be able to make it to work, and she was so amazing about it. (My job is not like an office job where missing one day of work means I just have twice as much the next day. If I miss a day of work, someone gets shafted.)
Finally, we got me prepped for a d&c, and we waited for the OB on call (who happened to be the OB who saw me on Monday - my regular OB's husband, haha). Finally he showed, we discussed the procedure and risk, I asked what I thought were very astute questions, and we moved to surgery prep. Waited some more. THEN, finally, the procedure, which I was blissfully knocked out for. When the anesthesiologist asked me what kind of cocktail (besides the drug one he was giving me) I liked, I responded with Bloody Mary. Then laughed at myself. Ummm, yeah. How apropos. So yeah, blackout. Then waking up in recovery. Then going to a room until I could prove I was able to go home (walk, pee). Then home and passing out. No alarm.
And Boo was absolutely AMAZING the whole time. Yeah, he got squirrely. Yeah, he got a little crazy. He's 2 1/2. But he charmed the staff (wheedled so many snacks and goodies off of them), and kept telling me it was going to be okay and giving me hugs and cuddles, and STAYED UP UNTIL 3AM. When we got home, there was no argument. We took off his shoes and pants and he pulled his own sheet up and zonked out.
All of the staff we encountered (and there were many - I don't even want to know how many individual department bills we're going to get *palmface*) were freakin' brilliant and so, so nice. A+ service. Of course, great treatment and all, I'd rather not have to deal with it again!
But anyway, we're all good here. I scratched the hell out of my right eyelid probably when coming out of anesthesia, and Boo split his lip open by running into a corner of a chair while in the last room (holy shit, I don't blame him - he was manic and tired and hadn't had the good drugs I'd had), and Erik was frazzled all to hell and back and exhausted... But today is a better day. I actually feel pretty much back to normal, only a little abdominal tenderness, some bit of heartache. My body will heal, my heart will heal, and my life will go on.
I just hope I've reached my $2k out of pocket by now...
Friday, July 15, 2011
Thursday, July 14, 2011
aftermath
Well, I guess my body decided for me what should happen. PURGE! Holy fucking purge. Owww.
Anyway, thank you for the thoughts and well-wishes. Now that the shock is over, I'm doing much better. The fact that I had a blighted ovum (empty sac) makes it easier to bear - knowing that I didn't lose a child but a pregnancy instead. Also, knowing that I have Boo already, and crazy toddler button-pusher or not, he is simply amazing and I am blessed to have him in my life. And knowing that I have Erik as my wonderful partner really helps.
All is not doom and gloom and despair. Am I sad and disappointed? Oh yes. But hey, tomorrow (so to speak) is another day. As long as I have lungs with which to breathe and legs on which to stand and determination with which to fight, I am here and strong and defiant. There is a lesson in this loss. If we have another pregnancy, and it's successful, and there is another child, that child will be the right one for us at the right time, just as Boo was.
For now, though, Midol - oh how I love you.
Anyway, thank you for the thoughts and well-wishes. Now that the shock is over, I'm doing much better. The fact that I had a blighted ovum (empty sac) makes it easier to bear - knowing that I didn't lose a child but a pregnancy instead. Also, knowing that I have Boo already, and crazy toddler button-pusher or not, he is simply amazing and I am blessed to have him in my life. And knowing that I have Erik as my wonderful partner really helps.
All is not doom and gloom and despair. Am I sad and disappointed? Oh yes. But hey, tomorrow (so to speak) is another day. As long as I have lungs with which to breathe and legs on which to stand and determination with which to fight, I am here and strong and defiant. There is a lesson in this loss. If we have another pregnancy, and it's successful, and there is another child, that child will be the right one for us at the right time, just as Boo was.
For now, though, Midol - oh how I love you.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
period
So, Saturday early morning, when I got up in the middle of the night to pee, I noticed some "brown" stuff on the toilet paper. Tried not to think too much of it. When I woke up, it was still there, and my mind immediately went to spotting and miscarriage. Turned on the tv to try to stop thinking about it.
Finn woke up and we were playing cars and I needed to pee. This time when I wiped, there was dark red blood. Well, yeah, I think we know what that meant. I crumpled, there, on the toilet, sobbing and sobbing. Finn came in (oh, why bother shutting the door with a toddler around?) asking what was happening, and then he went and got daddy "Momma's crying!" Erik stumbled in, just woken up, to ask what was up, as Finn also said "What's happening?" And then, yes, the realization. More sobbing.
Finn came to me, put his arms around me, hand on my face, and said, "It's okay Momma. It's okay." I love him so much.
And, well, it will be okay, in time. Right now I am just so very angry. Sad and angry. Ten weeks. Ten hopeful weeks. Dashed.
Finn woke up and we were playing cars and I needed to pee. This time when I wiped, there was dark red blood. Well, yeah, I think we know what that meant. I crumpled, there, on the toilet, sobbing and sobbing. Finn came in (oh, why bother shutting the door with a toddler around?) asking what was happening, and then he went and got daddy "Momma's crying!" Erik stumbled in, just woken up, to ask what was up, as Finn also said "What's happening?" And then, yes, the realization. More sobbing.
Finn came to me, put his arms around me, hand on my face, and said, "It's okay Momma. It's okay." I love him so much.
And, well, it will be okay, in time. Right now I am just so very angry. Sad and angry. Ten weeks. Ten hopeful weeks. Dashed.
Friday, July 1, 2011
skunky
Pregnancy has gone from a weird alien state to simply a state of being. The flesh remembers, and every so often my brain has those "Oh yeah!" moments. But the thing that bugs me most this time (and at this point in time) isn't the nausea, the absolute ravenous it-will-never-be-enough appetite, the feeling of stretching, the occasional sciatic flare-up, the Super nose, or the fatigue.
It's the bloat and the gas. Seriously. They have been HORRIBLE lately, and I swear that I haven't been eating anything out of the ordinary lately, either. Nothing to warrant the horrible stench emanating from my physiology. I've been in the back cooking these past few days, and holy crap, has that been a good thing because then I haven't stunk anyone out.
Nine weeks down. Thirty-one weeks to go. *pinches nose*
Also, got a call from the doctor's office yesterday, a voicemail that I didn't receive until after closing hours. Called back today and was talking to the doctor's nurse... He basically was telling me that all the tests they ran (bloodwork - diseases and whatnot) came back normal and negative. Then he paused and said, "Well, your pregnancy test came back positive." I laughed and said, "I sure hope so!" to which he also laughed. Because, well, yeah, wouldn't THAT be weird?
It's the bloat and the gas. Seriously. They have been HORRIBLE lately, and I swear that I haven't been eating anything out of the ordinary lately, either. Nothing to warrant the horrible stench emanating from my physiology. I've been in the back cooking these past few days, and holy crap, has that been a good thing because then I haven't stunk anyone out.
Nine weeks down. Thirty-one weeks to go. *pinches nose*
Also, got a call from the doctor's office yesterday, a voicemail that I didn't receive until after closing hours. Called back today and was talking to the doctor's nurse... He basically was telling me that all the tests they ran (bloodwork - diseases and whatnot) came back normal and negative. Then he paused and said, "Well, your pregnancy test came back positive." I laughed and said, "I sure hope so!" to which he also laughed. Because, well, yeah, wouldn't THAT be weird?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)