the end result is still the same, isn't it?

I think one of the things that bugs me about having a c-section for this baby is that I feel like I'm being looked down upon, made into less of a "warrior woman," because of it.  I mean, yes, I do honestly think that there is too much hospital intervention when it comes to birthing and that a goodly percent of women are woefully undereducated when it comes to their own pregnancies/birthing...  And I DO agree that a natural birth is, well, the way it's supposed to go...  

But what happens when it doesn't go that way at all?  What happens when you've HAD medical intervention?  Does having another c-section make my birthing experience any less valid?  Does it mean I'm less of a mother because I didn't push the kid out vaginally?  It's a vicious backlash, and it almost seems as if, in some circles, you're looked down upon for "taking the easy way out".  Trust me, nothing about a c-section is easy.  

Y'know, I'm glad there are more sites and more ways to access proper information.  I am glad of the resurgence of midwifery and of women's empowerment.  I am.  I am just not one of those women who will  be partaking of that particular brand of empowerment.  I am still trying to be okay with that, and I think that has more to do with the guilt of NOT pursuing it than the actual procedure itself.  I've already BEEN cut open once.  I know how it goes.

And that surge of love you feel when you first feel that baby placed into your arms?  Well, I'm pretty damn sure that's not any different, no matter how the baby's been delivered.  

report

We have now hit 16 weeks!  The 20 week ultrasound has been scheduled!  

I had another ultrasound at 12 weeks because the heartbeat was impossible to find via doppler.  Baby made a good profile and was proven to be growing on track.  Apparently the placenta was shown to be low-lying, so if I have any bleeding or whatnot, obviously I will be calling my doctor.

However, as of this latest doctor's appointment, the bean is still doing just fine.  Maybe measuring nearly a week ahead of schedule, but I'm cool with that.

I even managed to lose a pound in these past four weeks.  Don't ask me how.  It's not like I'm not eating.  But I'm not complaining, at any rate.  I expect to gain weight toward the end, so I'll take whatever respite I have currently.  Heh.

It still feels surreal.  And then I wonder how we're going to deal with two children.  Guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.  Until then, we'll just keep getting Boo used to the idea that he'll be a big brother...  One who is absolutely convinced he's going to have a sister.  He's got a 50/50 chance of being right.