third trimester woes

I have entered the phase where I am feeling big and unwieldy and unsexy...  And it doesn't help when I wake up at 5am to my husband masturbating in the bed next to me.  :(  I know the previa has made things a bit more... complicated, and I really do want to ask my doctor on Wednesday if certain OTHER things (ie. not penetration) are still acceptable, but yeah.  Normally I would have rolled over and at least started making out with him while he finished off, while working on myself, too, but yeah, again, this previa thing has really confounded me.

The thing is, I'm glad he's able to still get his rocks off.  (On top of being a male, he's also taking Zoloft, and he's been on enough anti-depressant/anti-anxiety meds that just KILL his libido, so yeah.)  I just, yeah, am really kind of sad that we're not able to either get off together or have actual sexual interactions.  And then there's the whole Big and Pregnant thing where I just, ugh, don't feel pretty or desirable.  And our schedules have us so that we almost never actually TOUCH or anything anymore, either.  He comes to bed after I do, and by that time I have Passed. The. Fuck. Out.  We don't even kiss goodnight anymore.  Only time we really touch is when I'm leaving for work.

And I'm feeling really pathetically girly for feeling this way.  I usually pride myself on not being like your typical female, but these hormones, oh man.  Ugh.  I miss the connection, I need the reassurance.

How is it possible to feel lonely when I am actually surrounded by love?  Why?

every twinge brings about paranoia

So, here we are at 29 weeks.  Pretty uneventful, in all honesty, from the outside.  My glucose test came back just lovely, I have had very little waterweight SO FAR, I have had only slight carpal tunnel symptoms SO FAR, and my weight gain has been pretty much on par with last pregnancy.

Except for this wonderful placenta previa thing I've got, things aren't so bad.  Except that placenta previa is kind of a Big Deal.  *sigh*  It seems both my boys have managed to give me prenatal problems.  It's just that Boo didn't give me a life-threatening one!

Weird thing about my specific case is that while it's a complete previa, somehow the placenta has managed to "divide".  It's all one piece, but the part over my cervix is thin, with the bulk of the rest on either side of my cervix.  All the same, if something should happen, like my cervix beginning to thin or dilate, I could start bleeding, which could then lead to hemorrhaging for me or the baby.

For now, it's all about keeping an eye out.  After 28 weeks, I was upped to the every two weeks doctors visits anyway, but now I'll have another ultrasound (that'll make the tally five for this pregnancy!) around 35-36 weeks to take another look-see at the placenta, and the c-section will happen more toward the beginning of October as opposed to the end.  Also, I'm a pretty good candidate for a tubal ligation - IF my doctor can convince the holy St Cloud Hospital it's not in my best interest to have any more children (which is the only way they'll allow such permanent birth control).

So hey, here's me keeping my fingers crossed that we get to 37 weeks with minimal fuss or "excitement".  If I have to go on bed rest, so be it, but I'd rather work up until I have this kid.  Can't afford not to.  But, only time will tell.