The best blogging is done at turbulent times, apparently. Which is why I haven't posted in a while.
Once I realized that it wasn't just my manager gunning for me, somehow it was better. Higher ups, well, I've been threatened by THEM before, and if I lose my job, well, there are ways to make life work. It'd be tight, but it would work. Until that time, I am hanging on to what I have and doing my absolute best. Make them feel like rot for getting me gone. And for getting me gone because I make too much money and my benefits cost too much. Because, in the end, that's what matters to corporations, apparently.
And once I realized that if I get pregnant, I will when it's the right time, I stopped being whiny and stressing out about it. Now, that doesn't mean that I don't plan on lots of sex during the "fertile" time of the month, and that doesn't mean that I'm not a bit sad when I get my period. It does mean, though, that I look at the next month as a new start. A baby will come along if it's meant to do so. I can do all the right things at the right times, but ultimately it's all a big game of chance. I'm playing my hardest.
My more zen approach can also be attributed to the fact that I'm going on vacation in a week. The prospect of time off always bring about happy feelings and forgiveness. That, and I'm THIS close to being able to work on taxes. Here's to hoping that my pension pay-out doesn't screw us over too much! We have big things to purchase this year! (Like maybe siding.)
Until the days prove otherwise, I'm just going to keep on swimming. It's all I can do.
2 comments:
Oh, hey. Glad I found your blog. I think I'll bring Cthulhu & Me back here.
Anyway, remember like three or four years ago when you couldn't get pregnant, and I said something along the lines of the perfect kid for you to be a mother to just wasn't ready yet? Well, remember that now.
Because, honestly? Here's a confession: I interact with parents all the damn time at work, and the ones that are really good aren't overly fussy, nor are they outright neglectful. They're just simply great at being parents. You can just tell from the minute they walk in the room.
And you? You're one of the best parents I know. I'm so proud of you. You have the coolest kid in the world -- I absolutely love that kid, even though I've never met him. He has this huge personality that just shines through his pictures. You're doing such an amazing job. It makes me so happy to see the direction your life has taken. Yeah, it's not perfect, but you're doing something so overwhelmingly right.
So, yeah. That little girl will show up eventually.
Coming from you, Brianne, that means a lot. Thank you. Especially when it feels like I'm not doing "enough" as far as parenting goes, like extra activities and whatnot. Or the fact that it'd be so easy to crush his spirit (or maybe not, considering he has SO MUCH freakin' attitude in such a small body).
Being a parent isn't easy, but for me it's the best damn thing in the world. You just have to remember that while you want to protect them from everything bad, you simply can't.
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