discouragement

Is the Universe trying to tell me something?  Is it saying, "Lady, you've got to learn to be more patient.  We're watching you with Boo, and sometimes it's wicked stupid the things that make you angry."  And maybe, if it is, it's right.

There are things, since the miscarriage, that I have had to deal with.  For the most part, I've learned a lot, hard lessons, humility and humble-pie...  But I still let stress and temper enter the mix, and I know it's not right.  I have a three year old.  They are button-pushers.  I have to take more deep breaths.

But then you get to the whole conception part.  The actual physical logistics of it.  And, really, you and your partner have to both be on track.  At the right time.  I try not to be frustrated because I know that sometimes that's just the way it is.  Maybe it's the Universe's way of telling me to slow down.  Other times, it just feels like I'm married to the only man in the world who can't just stick his dick in a wet hole and ejaculate.

Yet I don't want it to boil down to that.  I think for any child to truly be made, the two involved need to be connected, whether in mind or spirit (as well as body, obviously).  When I got pregnant with Boo and with the Baby That Wasn't a Baby, there was that connection.

It's just so hard to keep trying.  I keep feeling the clock ticking.